Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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