the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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