I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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