There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
