I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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