Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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