Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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