We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
