puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
