Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
