turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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