my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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