is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
