My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize