People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
