The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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