...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
