just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
