he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
