New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
