My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she looked like the before picture.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
