i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
two words...techno handjob
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
