my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
