i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
