I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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