Soap is not a condiment
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
His nipple licking is glorious
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