I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
