sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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