Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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