Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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