You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
