i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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