I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize