i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
pop tarts are not kleenex
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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