i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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