I think my vagina is haunted
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
