Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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