We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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