I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
