I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
