Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
