____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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