He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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