I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
