I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
