did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
