I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
