I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
