she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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