She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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