I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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