No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
