my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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