Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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