ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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