Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
