You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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