Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
