guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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