He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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