you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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