I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
