Will you blow on my dice?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
